


Is This Real?

by VoidSterekOTP



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Caring Derek, Caring John, Concerned Derek, Depressed Stiles, Derek is Not a Failwolf, First Kiss, Hurt Stiles, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Nogitsune, Scott is a Good Friend, Sleep Deprivation, Stiles Has Issues, Stiles Has Nightmares, True Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-25 08:13:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoidSterekOTP/pseuds/VoidSterekOTP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The nightmares plaguing his sleep are becoming too much. Can he get the help he needs before it's to late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This Real?

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Mentioned Self harm  
> Mentioned Suicide  
> Sleep deprivation

Towering trees surround the small clearing where they lie. The grass soft against their backs as they stare up at the star speckled sky. The moon their only source of light.

Stiles sighs as he grips onto his mothers hand, afraid that if he were to let go she would float away into oblivion. 

He turns his head and looks to the woman copying his position on the forest floor.

"You're still as beautiful as I remember" Stiles states. A wistful smile on his face. The women smiles for a brief moment before it begins to transform into a scowl, her hand tightening around Stiles'.

"You don’t get beautiful things my son." Her voice comes out soft and gentle but undoubtedly laced with venom as she drops his hand and begins to stand. 

"You killed me, You killed your friends. You killed your father." 

"What are you talking about?." His voice is shaky and unsure as he watches his mothers posture relax some.

"Look around you." He does as instructed, his heart shattering into a million pieces at the sight before him. 

The once vibrant green grass is now stained a deep red. The bodies of all those he loves are scattered around him. It's only then that the teen feels the unfamiliar weight in one of his hands. A large knife covered in crimson.

Tears trail down his cheeks as he looks around. His eyes finally landing on the body at his feet. He recoils in agony as he finds himself looking into the lifeless eyes of his alpha.

Stiles looks back to his mother. Her lips twist up into a sickeningly sweet smile

"This was your doing Mieczyslaw. You’re a killer. You're a murderer. You don’t deserve beautiful things. You killed them...like you did me."

\----

"Stiles wake up!!" A voice calls from the distance.

Stiles' hands are pressed firmly to his ears as he tries to block out the voice. He's shaking violently and thrashing around as two arms try their hardest to keep him still.

"It's okay Stiles, you're okay." He lets his eyes flutter open and sees his father's face come into view. John shushes him as he comes back from his nightmare.

"You were dead. Everyone was dead." He sobs into his father chest.

"Shh it's okay I'm fine. Everyone is okay." Stiles panics as the images of his alphas bloody corpse once again fill his mind.

"Derek!" He says with wide eyes.

"I killed him." He whimpers.

"I killed all of you."

Mr Stilinski holds his son tight as he reaches for his phone in his back pocket.

"We'll ring him okay. So you know he's alright." He soothes and proceeds to dial the alpha when he gets a nod.

"Is everything okay?" Derek answers after a few rings.

"I need you to speak to Stiles. He's had a nightmare and thinks he's hurt you and the pack." The sheriff hands his still shaking son the phone.

"Der?" He asks as he sucks in a deep breath.

"Yeah pup I'm here. I'm okay, everyone's alright. You haven't hurt anyone." The alpha reassures. The sheriff relaxes as he sees some of the tension leave his sons body.

"Do you want me to come over?" Derek asks.

"N-No I'm okay, I just… I'll see you later." Stiles swiftly hangs up the phone and collapses back onto his bed. John stays for a while after the phone call ends, making sure that everything is okay.

Stiles doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night, images of his mother and his friends plague his mind and her words repeat themselves over and over again.

His alarm goes off at 6am. He struggles to get himself out of bed before traipsing to the bathroom and turning on the water. He recoils as he catches his reflection in the mirror. He looks like he did when the Nogitsune was in control. 

He opens the bathroom Cabernet and takes out his Adderal. Taking twice the required dose hoping it will help get him through the day.

Stiles has known for a while that upping his dosage of Adderal will help keep him awake but he tried to stay away from it. However, after last night he no longer has the strength, he can't cope with seeing the gory images every time he closes his eyes. 

The teen yawns as he slips into the shower and lets himself be calmed by the warm water flowing over his thin body.

He's been having nightmares ever since the Nogitsune. He always tries his hardest to stay awake at night but it hasn’t been working. to him, sleep is a curse. 

\---

 

The rest of the week goes by the same. He gets up, doubles his medication, goes to school, goes to Dereks for pack meetings and then goes home and does everything he can not to fall asleep. By Friday he hasn’t slept for 3 days, refusing to be victim to his own mind when he isn't even conscious. The circles under his eyes have darkened considerably and his mind can't seem to focus on anything at all.

Saturday has him taking 5 pills and spraying a lot of after shave to cover the scent before heading out to his jeep and heading to the Hale house to meet his friends. He arrives without paying much attention and enters on autopilot, greeting everyone as he walks into the living room. He sits in his usual seat and it's as though he wakes up from a dream. He's confused with no idea how he got here. The pack seem to pick this up and send him concerned glares. He knows they can pick up on his exhaustion, well any normal person could. He looks like a zombie. He's just hoping they can't tell he's pretty much overdosing on his Adderal.

"Dude are you alright?" Scott asks concerned for his friend.

"Yeah man just a little tired" He smiles and gets up to grab a glass of water, not aware that he has an angry Sourwolf following him until he is slammed up against a wall.

"You stink" Derek growls, his eyes glowing alpha red.

"Oh, thanks man." Stiles scoffs and rolls his eyes..

"What are you taking?" Derek snarls sniffing his neck. 'so much for hoping' Stiles thinks to himself.

"Nothing, what are you talking about?!" He says defensively.

"Don’t lie. We can smell the drugs all over you."

"Dude that’s my Adderal I'm pretty sure you guys should be used to it by now."

Derek backs off when the younger mans heartbeat doesn’t jump. He continues to glare trying to get Stiles to crack.

"Dude okay stop with the staring, I've taken a couple more than I should have alright? I've got a lot of studying to do and they help me stay focused." Derek growls and leaves the room. 

Stiles breathes a sigh of relief until he hears Derek order everyone else to leave. He comes back out to the kitchen and grabs Stiles' wrist before leading him into the living room again. Stiles tries not to wince as the grip hits a mark that shouldn’t be there.

"You lied." Derek states causing Stiles to tense.

"How many have you taken?"

"Today? 3." He tries to control his heartbeat.

"Stop lying to me pup." Derek grits his teeth and laces his voice with authority.

"5! Okay!" Stiles erupts making the alpha raise his eyebrows slightly before the statement sinks in.

"Why the fuck would you do that? You're overdosing!" Derek raises his voice.

"I'm scared! I'm fucking terrified to go to sleep." He sobs curling into himself.

"Why wouldn’t you say anything? When did this start?"

"I'm embarrassed! When I spoke to you on Sunday I was so sure I had hurt you but then you were okay and I felt so stupid! So weak."

"You've been like this for the whole week?"

"It's been a lot longer than a week."

Derek doesn’t say anything more. He just engulfs the teen in a hug and holds him close. Stiles cries into the chest of the man he has been crushing on for 2 years with no shame.

The alpha holds his pup for almost an hour and doesn’t let him go until his breathing evens out. Indicating that he has finally drifted off to sleep. Its hurts seeing the teen like this. His wolf scratches away trying to make itself known. Mate, hurt, scared, fix, mate, mate, protect. He pushes it down and places a blanket over the boy.

\----

"Mieczyslaw. My son." Stiles is stood in the same clearing as usual. Once again with the woman he craves so much.

"I miss you mom." He says, his voice small. His mother takes a couple of steps forward before wrapping Stiles in a hug.

"I miss you too, my sweet boy." She holds him close as he tries to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

"It’s all my fault mom. You're right I'm a killer." He cries, his mom continuing to shush him.

"You can prevent all of this my son. You can stop yourself from hurting the people you love." 

"How?" He hiccups

"Join me." Stiles looks up through glassy eyes, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"What?"

"You cant hurt them if you aren't alive"

 

"Why are you saying this?!" He shouts

"Because it's what you want."

\----

He wakes with a start his eyes scanning his surroundings before landing on the man that's holding him close.

"Your okay pup." He looks to Derek and wraps his arms around his neck. He calms himself quicker than usual and pulls away to look at his alpha.

"How long was I out?"

"A couple of hours." Derek replies in a gentle voice.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything." Tear marks staibn his face and pieces of the nightmare and floating around in his mind but all he can think about is kissing the man in front of him. 

He takes a deep breath and leans forward pressing his lips to Dereks. Derek pulls away surprised, causing Stiles to come to terms with what he did.

"Oh my god I'm sorry." He rushes

"Stiles stop." Derek says firmly before pulling Stiles back in and kissing him passionately. The kiss lasts a few moments before Stiles panics and pulls away. Rushing out of the house leaving behind a sea of apologies.

\---

He arrives home with tears streaming down his face. 'What have I done.' He asks himself over and over again. He races upstairs and locks himself in his bedroom, proceeding to seal a line of mountain ash along his windowsill.

He paces his room, his mothers words echoing in his mind. He knows deep down that his mother would never want him to harm himself. That she would never view him as a killer but that doesn’t prevent him for believing the woman who is always present when he sleeps. He collapses down on his bed and curls into himself, thinking of all the people that he loves.

The blade stares at him, glinting in the sunlight. 'One cut' He tells himself as he picks it up with shaky fingers. 

'You’re a murderer' 'You killed innocent people. The station, the hospital, Aiden, Allison.' 'You deserve this' A voice tells him.

He doesn’t know if it's his or a mixture of everyones. He just knows that he believes every word they say. 

Tears fall down his pale cheeks as he pulls his sleeve up revealing the mess that is his arm. He doesn’t let his mind go to those he loves, only what he could do to them. His room is brighter than he remembers but to him everything still appears grey.

"Do it Mieczyslaw." He hears his mother.  
"Do it pup." He hears his alpha.  
"Do it Stiles." He hears his best friend.  
"Do it son." He hears his father.  
"Just do it." He hears himself.

And he does. He pulls the blade across his skin opening up his arm and hitting the mark he needed it to.

He doesn’t feel a thing but still the blood flows easily. It's as if all the pain and guilt is leaving with it. He smiles and takes one last look at his room. A few things seem out of place, he knows something isn't right but he doesn’t care. 

He doesn’t care about anything as the life exits his body leaving behind an empty shell of someone who once resembled a healthy teenage boy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
